Sunday, January 26, 2014

Too. Cold. To. Be. Original. Thus: "It's cold in the old Church tonight" jokes

It's So Cold...(-9 and windy tomorrow here in the Miami of Minnesota)...
  • It's colder than Pharaoh's hardened heart. 
  • I'm shivering like a sinner entering a confessional after 50 years' absence. 
  • Too cold to put away the creche. Besides, the penguins coming to worship the infant Jesus are cute. 
  • It's so cold that the local women's Bible study, reading about Isaiah walking naked through the city of Jerusalem, immediately began knitting long wool tunics. 
  • You lit the Easter candle and the flame froze. 
  • Before the flame froze, the puff of smoke rose, crystallized, fell to the ground, and shattered. 
  • Father decided to open the fridge to heat the rectory. 
  • Parishioners are ruing the day it was decided to name the parish "Our Lady of the Snows."  Ad hoc committee looks for Marian apparitions in warm climates.
  • A close call: there was an attempted robbery of the church! But the police told the robber to freeze, and he did. 
  • We rejoice always and in all circumstances, because it is flu season--and now people are looking forward to getting a fever. 
  • The local Eagle Scout created a chapel igloo, and it comes with a lifetime guarantee. 
  • When the pastor calls the congregation "the frozen chosen," it's no longer a joke.  Just literal truth.
  • Someone lit every one of the candles in the church for heat. Or prayer intentions have gone up 500%.  Betting on the former.
  • The Mary statue on the Church grounds neither weeps nor blinks but begs you to take her inside at night. Pilgrimages are set to begin when the temperature gets above zero.

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