Saturday, July 05, 2014

Daily Mass Attendee Prays For "A Boring Intention"

Urbana, IL: Dorothy Greenland, a long time parishioner of St Margaret of Scotland Church, has called a small riot by her prayers.

She's not speaking in tongues.  She's not praying for heresy.  She's asking the church to pray for "a boring intention."

"Well, my mother taught me that not everything we want is all that special," argued Greenland after a daily mass.  "For years I have asked the daily mass crowd to pray for a special intention, and it never felt right.  I know the intention, and it's real, but it's boring.  That's the honest truth.  So I decided to be honest and all this happened," she finished with a shrug.

"All this" was a pastoral council meeting convened to determine whether Greenland was being snippy, clever, demented, or suffered from self-esteem issues.  "I got lots of questions," Greenland said.  "No one was ever interested in my special intention, but they sure seem interested in my boring one."

Carol Rauchen, the chair of the pastoral council, said she still didn't understand why she just wouldn't drop the modifier.  "For an intention," Rauchen explained.  "Simple and to the point.  It's the modifier that bothers me.  My teenaged kids think church is boring, and this isn't helping me make my case that it isn't."

"Just seems abrupt," argued Greenland back.  "'For an intention.'  Please.  I'm communing with the Lord and His Church, not ordering fast food."

Fr. Stephen Stewart sagely noted that that the phrase seemed to be better changed to "for a silent intention," since the person usually wants prayers without spelling out the details.  But he said he wasn't bothered by the modifiers one way or the other.

"As long as it isn't 'for a salacious intention,'" he closed.


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