Even More Top 100 Ironic Reasons To Be Catholic (Lenten edition)

40. Dark Lenten purple really jazzes up the winter landscape.
39. Now that football season is over, you need a new project. Try repentance.
38. As a gesture of hospitality to the musically-challenged, liturgical music is often cut during Lent. That which remains is always in the playable key of E minor.
37. Saying "alleluia" all the time was getting kind of tired, anyway.
36. Lent is a more reliable measurement between winter and spring than that Puxatawney Phil.
35. My sin. Icestorms. My sin. Icestorms. There must be a connection.
34. Every pagan in town thinks you look kind of interesting and goth with the ashes.
33. There is the inherent dramatic tension created every time you agree to fast from (fill in the blank). Can she do it? Can she do it? CAN SHE DO IT?
32. You really can't recite Psalm 51 enough.*
31. Lent: because you love tuna casserole.


*actually, that one isn't particularly ironic.

Truth Is Stranger #36: Kick it for God

Kick soccer goals, that is.

Vatican's Soccer Tourney Heats Up

...In Italy soccer is a hallowed game, taken almost as seriously as Catholicism, and the players were all business once the whistle was blown.

Amid screams from the coaches, pious slogans from the small crowd and T-shirts invoking the protection of the Virgin Mary, a motley crew of Latin Americans, Africans and Asians from the Collegio Mater Ecclesiae (Mother of the Church College) took on an all-Brazilian team fielded by the Gregorian University.

In a miraculous upset, the young Mater Ecclesiae players trounced the more experienced but portly Brazilians 6-0 as their fans chanted: "The Mother of the Church wants a goal!"

...

The tournament is also a second chance for many clergymen who left promising soccer careers to follow their spiritual calling, said Marco Rosales, a Mexican seminarian who coaches the Mater Ecclesiae team.

"Some on the team had a chance to play professionally, but the Lord called them to His team," he said.

(Actually, much of the article is about how the tournament is a nice counter-point to the violence at many professional soccer matches in Europe of late.)

Blog Fast (sort of)

Remember "Church Suggests Giving Up Blogging For Lent"? Did anyone think it could be ... foreshadowing? (Cue dark moody music....)

Well, I then got knocked out by the stomach flu, which delayed my reflection on this, but now I'm sure. During Lent, I'm going to post twice a week rather than five to six days a week. I'm not sure that technically counts as a fast, but this Lent I want to deliberately focus upon and discern some life issues, which I usually do through prayer and writing. I could do that and blog if I had more free time, but I don't. This is my free time. So I am yielding some blog time to add to my prayer time. A no-brainer, honestly.

I think I will continue to post Mondays and Thursdays. Who knows, it may be the same amount of posting lumped on two days, or it may look scant around here for 40-odd days. But consequences be hanged! (Oh wait--there are no consequences....)

In the works of mercy department: You may want to take a look at this blog--one of our fellow bloggers at Korrektiv has a wife recently placed on very strict bedrest (she's 22 weeks pregnant), and she is doing a blog to document all this and pass the time. Give her a hopeful comment, prayer, and good wishes, OK?

"Ash Talking" Between Denominations

I'm getting to this a bit late, but this is far too funny, friendly, and informational not to recommend:

Talking Church Signs on Ash Wednesday by Kansas City Catholic.

Bravo!
--I.C.

When I'm Nauseous, I Laugh At...

Crummy Church Signs' Hall of Shame.

Truly, I have had the stomach flu from hell, and while I was in bed last night--rejoicing in not throwing up and wondering how much my body could actually hurt without me screaming--I unaccountably thought of one of my favorite found real church signs from this site and started actually uncontrollably giggling. This site has real church signs with theological/satirical commentary attached.

Sign: "Kill the Devil!"
submitted by Kevin Sample
Commentary: Can we......DO that? What's taken so long, then?

(OK, when I first read that, I laughed for 10 minutes straight. Probably says more about me than anything else.)

Some other "great" ones from the Hall of Shame:

Sign: "Run for your lives: Jesus is coming!"
submitted AND reviewed by Katherine Blaisdell, Orange, CA
Commentary: Oh gosh! And He's manifested his holiness as Godzilla!

(Baptist) Sign: “For all you do, His blood’s for you”
submitted by Cheryl Bezaire
Commentary: Coming soon to this church’s sign:
1) Jesus Christ: Live the High Life
2) The Lord’s Supper: Great Taste, Less Filling
3) Head for the Mountains of Calvary.
As uptight as many fundamentalists are about alcohol, you would think they wouldn't want to reference it on their church signs.

Sign: "The most important do-it-yourself project is your life"
by Joel Bezaire
Commentary: Life: Do it yourself. Don’t get any help from anybody. Especially God.

Sign: "If you would shut up, you could hear God's voice"
submitted by Wes Kenney
Commentary: And if you're REALLY quiet, you can hear a meteor hurtling towards this church and its sign.

See the Crummy Church Signs blog here.

Hoping to be healthy and back at it by next week.
--I.C.

IC is out sick...so: Caption Contest #13

Hi all...SIC (Spouse of the Ironic Catholic) here. The Ironic Catholic has been steamrolled by the stomach flu, so in addition to making our Fat Tuesday dinner with a screaming, teething toddler slung onto my back and a six-year-old who decided that today would be a good day to experiment with painting his tongue blue...I also get to post to the blog. Actually, I asked to post. Begged, really: "Say, do you want me to put up a post on your blog?" "No, you don't have to." "Wouldn't be any trouble." "Really, that's okay." "Please?" Long pause. "Pretty please? Please please please please please?" (You learn a trick or two taking care of little kids all day.) She finally "consented," although I'm not sure it would really count if we were going by Canon Law.

Really I should do something more appropriate for Ash Wednesday, but since we had our "dying" experience on Tuesday, I decided a little levity was in order. So...you've all seen the "Free Hug" video that's been circulating for the past few months. (If not, see it below...and/or read the little summary that follows.) Here's the contest: What would the free hug campaign look like if this guy were a Catholic taking the new evangelization in a new direction? What would the sign say, and what would happen? Have fun -- and say a prayer for IC's speedy recovery, lest you be subjected to more rambling posts like this one.



The Free Hug campaign in a nutshell: So this guy, Juan Mann, is returning from Australia. Here's what he says on his website, http://www.freehugcampaign.com/:

I'd been living in London when my world turned upside down and I'd had to come home. By the time my plane landed back in Sydney, all I had left was a carry on bag full of clothes and a world of troubles. No one to welcome me back, no place to call home. I was a tourist in my hometown.

Standing there in the arrivals terminal, watching other passengers meeting their waiting friends and family, with open arms and smiling faces, hugging and laughing together, I wanted someone out there to be waiting for me. To be happy to see me. To smile at me. To hug me.

So I got some cardboard and a marker and made a sign. I found the busiest pedestrian intersection in the city and held that sign aloft, with the words "Free Hugs" on both sides.

And for 15 minutes, people just stared right through me. The first person who stopped, tapped me on the shoulder and told me how her dog had just died that morning. How that morning had been the one year anniversary of her only daughter dying in a car accident. How what she needed now, when she felt most alone in the world, was a hug. I got down on one knee, we put our arms around each other and when we parted, she was smiling.

Everyone has problems and for sure mine haven't compared. But to see someone who was once frowning, smile even for a moment, is worth it every time.

He started doing his "Free Hugs" once a week. After two years, one member of a local rock group began videotaping him, eventually compiling a video, setting it to music, and posting it to YouTube, where it became an instant hit. With more than 10 million views, not to mention publicity on Oprah, Good Morning America, Fox News, etc., other people around the world began to get into the act. Now there are hundreds of "free hugs" groups all around the world, including one that is trying it out in mixed Jewish/Arab neighborhoods in Israel.

The Ironic Catholic is not overly impressed by any of this...which I can understand...it's a little "Precious Moments" sentimental...but I find it moving. Yeah, yeah, peace is more than just a hug away...but after waking up to news of the latest suicide bombing every morning for the past few years, people hugging rather than blowing one another up seems like a refreshing change of pace.

Church Suggests Giving Up Blogging For Lent

(Image source.)
Chicago, IL: "Noooooooooooooooo!" wailed a young Catholic twenty-something in cyberspace. "I can't think of anything at all to blog today! I have to spend an hour on the computer brainstorming when I really ought to pray, or talk to my wife, or clean the bathroom!"

If this is you, a local Church suggested you may wish to go the "nuclear repentance option" this year: give up blogging for Lent.

"I can't believe there are people out there suggesting anything this radical," said Associate Pastor Fr. Raymond Toronado of St. Antony of Egypt Church, disagreeing with the pastor, Fr. Timothy Reston. "I know it is typical to give up chocolate, or pop, or TV, but this is positively Jansenist. I know I'm not giving up MY blog for Jesus."

Fr. Reston could not be reached on his blog or by email for comment.

"It seems odd," added parishioner Bill Nahum. "I mean, I know I can give blogging up anytime I want to. I don't need to prove anything by such a stunt. Couldn't I just fast from food six days a week, or train for a triathlon, or something doable? The Christian life isn't supposed to be THAT hard."

Others welcomed the idea. "It's kind of bracing, like a cold shower," said a parishioner who goes by his blog's name, "SupercalifragiCatholic." "I mean, the martyrs dealt with a lot more suffering than this; if I can't handle this, I'm Christian toast. Plus, it's a little weird that no one in my parish knows my Christian name."

Pastoral Associate Joan Tyler announced the parish would immediately form a 12 step support group for those foregoing blogging for Lent. Despite heartfelt pleas, it will not meet online.

--I.C.

Ecclesiological Words That Ought To Exist

Thanks to Allen's Brain for these: just a few to whet your appetite, then go to his post for the full list:

Biblidue: The build-up of bookmarks, bulletins, notes, and other miscellanea that collects in one's Bible.

Clivaholic: One who can no longer control the compulsion to quote C.S. Lewis in every sermon, lesson, or conversation.

Hymnastics: The entertaining body language of the song leader.

Proliferation: An abundance of anti-abortion activists.

Pulpituitary: That phenomenon familiar to those seated on the front pew, during which a preacher produces hazardous conditions with alliterative Ps.

(You know, I have witnessed a proliferation of Clivaholics with much Biblidue between them, myself. It was not pretty.)

The Season Of Lint Approaches

Local Bishop Interviewed By Confused Teen On The Meaning of Lint, courtesy Paul at Alive and Young.

New Catholic Parody Site

There's a new Catholic parody site in town, from Dean Soto at Fanatholic, called Agnus Daily (get it? Agnus Dei? heh heh heh.):

I particularly liked this one:
"Relativism injures three."

(Snazzy layout too!)
Welcome to the block!--I.C.

Thank you, folks!

I think this is two days early--weren't winners supposed to be announced Sunday? But checking an inbound link, I found the unofficial 2007 Catholic Blog Awards tally UP. Ah, no winners here, but I think I'm tied for third place (my blog is listed twice?) in the "Funniest" category, and the blog has an improbably good showing in the "Best New Catholic Blog" category. Wow.

Really, this is both delightful and humbling. Delightful that so many of you find my odd sense of humor amusing, and humbling in that we all got utterly crushed by The Curt Jester! So temptations to sinful pride are pretty much blown into the wind! Thanks!

So hearty congrats to the "Funniest Catholic Blog" winner (Jeff at The Curt Jester), as well as everyone else who won awards this year.

Many thanks to those who voted for me. I think some of you would be surprised... my students often comment on how "heavy" I am (in thought, thanks; I think it's their euphemism for "you make me think that sin can be a BAD thing"). I show movies like Romero and The Mission for our "fun days." So it's interesting, and different, to do the humorous twists on theology here.

When I sometimes wonder whether to keep this up amid my other million things to do, the positive feedback certainly helps me keep plugging away--trying to get us to think, while we laugh at ourselves every once in a while. Laugh like Sarai, folks. Humor is a way of saying something serious. And thanks for smiling and keeping faith with me.

I.C.

Not "Funny," But Joyful

...And this will make you smile. I guarantee it. Introducing "Why I am Catholic" :



Created by the excellent folks at Evangelical Catholicism.

Medieval Tech Support

(OK, I'm back for 15 minutes--then gone again!)

We thank the ancient monasteries for painstakingly copying and preserving our sacred texts. But there were troubles along the way. Behold... (and laugh)...



HT to Locusts and Honey.

The Evangelizing Candy Heart

Basically, this is de Caussade's Abandonment to Divine Providence, in three words. Suitable for the day, as well.




(Read the book, though. I'm enjoying it.)

I will be away from the blog for a couple of days. Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
--I.C.

(FYI: Candy Heart Generator here.)

The Ironic Catholic Hiring Kind Bloggers To Explore Presidential Run

Middle America, USA: The Ironic Catholic, still musing over the possibility of running for President of the United States through her exploratory committee, has made a critical decision in determining to hire gentle bloggers to work for her proposed campaign.

"I vow to hire bloggers who imitate the hesed, or loving-kindness, of God" she announced. "I'm a uniter, not a divider...or is that division-maker...? Whatever. In any case, I stand here and tell you I will not hire any blogger who engages or has engaged in hate speech against any race or creed."

Political observers reacted to the announcement with shock. "She clearly isn't cut-throat enough for this race. She has to realize that certain statements need to be made to pander, I mean appeal, to your base. I'm not sure with her limited name recognition--what is her name anyway?--that she has the room to take the moral high road," said Drew Anton, a political analyst for whichever party is paying him at the moment.

"I'm not worried about any 'base,'" said the Ironic Catholic. "If I worry, I worry about the journey to my ultimate end, and faithfully persevering in that race. This is an eschatological campaign to live out of the abundance of God's goodness, and recognize in word and deed the inherent dignity of human beings as created in God's image."

Anton acknowledged that the prospective candidate had "theologically wonkish tendencies" that may play well in certain segments of the blogosphere.

To be continued....
--I.C.

Truth Is Stranger #35: Having Trouble Quitting Smoking?

Oh, dear.

This ought to do it. Or at least seriously freak you out when you rest your burning stub of tobacco addiction in Jesus' suffering face....

(Hat tip to Dirty Catholic.)
--I.C.

Truth Is Stranger #34: There Was An Old Bible That Lived In A Shoe

Really. The world's smallest Bible, to boot (pun intended).

Kid: Mom, I feel like I have a pebble in my shoe. It hurts.
Mom: It's just your Bible, son. Offer it up already.

Ok, that's not what happened, but the reality is no less strange:

Around 106 years ago, someone slipped a copy of the world’s smallest complete Bible in a child’s boot and stuffed it into a cottage chimney cavity to ward off evil. Now British archaeologists have identified the book, which a renovator discovered while working on the cottage in central England's Ewerby. ...

Daubney, who works for The Portable Antiquities Scheme, a volunteer program set up to record archaeological objects found in England, explained the child’s boot may have been used as a kind of spirit trap.

"The earliest reference to the use of shoes as some kind of spirit trap comes from the 14th century," he told Discovery News. "It regards one of England’s unofficial saints, John Schorn from Buckinghamshire, who was rector of North Marston 1290-1314. He is reputed to have performed the remarkable feat of casting the devil into a boot."

Not a herd of pigs (Mark 5), but ... a boot ...?

--I.C.

The Catholic Blog Awards Voting Continues....

And some fool nominated me for "Funniest Blog." Thanks, fool!

To vote for me, or others, and to check out an interesting list all round....go to the Catholic Blog Awards site. You have until Friday, 2/16/07 Noon CST to vote.

UPDATE: Technical difficulties! The site will apparently be up again soon....

UPDATE again: It's up again, and holy cow, apparently there be many a fool out there. Some of you charitable but obviously deranged folks nominated me for Best Written (verily, move thee over, Shakespeare!), Best Overall (-sputter-), Best New (well, I am new), and Best Individual (last checked, I'm an individual too) blog. Thanks for the votes of confidence, and apparently the kinks are out of the voting system. So if you wish to participate...vote by Friday.

--I.C.

"Monday Morning Homiletics" Show Draws Calls and Criticism

Boston, MA: A local talk show host, looking to fill in the void left from the end of the football season, opened his weekly "Monday Morning Quarterbacking" show with "Introducing 'Monday Morning Homiletics': an hour to critique your church's Sunday homily!"

"The phone board just lit up; this was bigger than Super Bowl Sunday!" enthused Billy Ray Tyrone of WUGH, Sports Talk Radio. "We'll definitely be trying this again."

The show was not well-received in all corners, especially in diocesan offices. The problem, according to diocesan public relations spokesperson Sr. Caroline Eccles, is that the show's callers, already a little on the rowdy side, began to "go a bit 'American Idol' in their comments."

"First, attacks about the personal appearance of the priest or deacon, or any human being, truly aren't appropriate," said Sr. Eccles. "I don't care if this Simon Caterwaul, or whoever he is, does it. But the biggest problem is that people began to malign the Scripture itself."

The gospel reading for that Sunday is commonly called "The Beatitudes," and Tyrone ended up leading the audience in a ranking of the Beatitudes on a scale of 1-10, 10 equaling "great news" and 1 equaling "total rot". By the end of the show, the only scripture receiving a 10 was "Behold, your reward will be great in heaven!", whereas "Blessed are you who are poor, the kingdom of God is yours" received a 4, and "Woe to you who laugh now, you will grieve and weep" received a 1. "You can't just pick and choose Scripture like that," said Sr. Eccles.

A number of callers took their respective priests to task for their homilies on the reading. A typical example: "Billy Ray, dude, he totally dropped the ball on the Christian virtues thing. I mean, I'm all for being happy, but the whole being poor, hungry, weeping, people hating you...it's like he was running us the wrong way down the field. Everyone knows being happy means being rich and eating large and laughing. I read that Jabez book, man, I know things. That homily was someone's brain on drugs."

"So, are you thinking he needs to hit the weight room? Be a little quicker at the snap?" asked Tyrone.

"I think he needs to relax and have a Bailey's, man, play from the gut, get into the game."

A few over-enthusiastic sports fans suggested firing the coach. Sr. Eccles responded dryly, "If they mean the Pantocrator, Son of God, and Light of the World, I don't think he's the one who is going to be 'fired.'"

--I.C.

Caption Contest #12

HT to Locusts and Honey for the picture. That blog's best caption (IMHO): "Your name is Peterbilt, and upon you I will move my Church."

UPDATE! Three winners:
Jeff Miller, The Curt Jester: I said "Pick up your cross and follow me" not "Pick up a cross attached to a church and follow me."

The other Jeff, Aun Estamos Vivos: I've heard of Holy Rollers before, but this is extreme....

Tim, Lapped Catholic: Determined to enforce the Separation of Church and State, somewhat confused members of the ACLU prepare to transport a church into Canada.

OK, Just Don't Tell My Kids

One Big Happy comic (2/8/07) on "kids cursing in the Bible."

If J.K. Rowling Converted to Catholicism and Wrote Book 7

OK, I don't want to get into the whole "Is Harry Potter evil or a bunch of books we could enjoy?" debate. No doubt those debates will get around St. Blogs this July, when the last book comes out. We're just having some fun here....

SPOILERS if you haven't read Books 1-6 and you want to!!! Stop reading now!












Ok, you really want to read this?


London, England: J.K. Rowling has announced that the delay in writing the concluding book of her "Harry Potter" series has to do with her recent and previously unannounced conversion to Catholicism. "I had to rethink the ending quite a bit. I didn't want to leak this, but I think it is for the best, so that fans won't be shocked," said a radiant Rowling. So without further ado, her provided synopsis, as well as an editor's critical analysis.

Plot synopsis:
Harry, having chastely and virtuously turned away his girlfriend Ginny in order to protect her from the evil of Satan (aka Voldemort, aka Tom Riddle), breaks his wand in half and throws himself about the mercy of Jesus Christ, who, despite references to Christmas and Easter holidays, has not been mentioned in the narratives. He develops a devotion to St. Michael the Archangel and chants St. Patrick's Breastplate prayer on a regular basis. Satan is frustrated by this ultimate denial of his importance and whines annoyingly in the background, doing damage but ultimately coming to nothing.

Harry spends much of the book debating, in Hamlet-like fashion, whether the people who have selflessly and lovingly died for him died outside of God's grace or not. The mid-section of the book is an extended internal debate between the Council of Florence's "Outside the Church, No Salvation," Karl Rahner's "anonymous Christianity," and C.S. Lewis' "Emeth, the good Calormene" in The Last Battle. This extended reflection, holding these people in his heart--Dumbledore, Sirius Black, and his mom and dad--lends Harry insight into the everlasting nature of the soul as well as the radical need to trust in God's justice and mercy. Harry ends the book making first vows with the Franciscans.

In supporting character development:

• Ron and Hermione, who have decided to stop acting like teenage idiots, are now engaged and making an engaged encounter retreat. They are learning NFP, in which Hermione's prodigious talent at Arithmancy is coming in handy. Ron is afraid he will lose the thermometer.
• The Weasley Brothers change their magic pranks shop in Diagon alley into a religious goods store, specializing in sacramentals.
• Percy, in a scene directly out of the prodigal son parable, returns to his parents claiming "I am not worthy to be your son." Mom and Dad Weasley kill the fatted garden gnome and celebrate, to the initial annoyance of Ron.
• In the most dramatic part of the book, Harry explains his new worldview to Snape, culminating in an apology for how he has treated Snape as sub-human scum. Snape then confronts the Death Eaters, stating that Jesus Christ died for wounded, flawed, untouchable people like him, and he was willing to choose Jesus rather than the any supposed "benefits" the Death Eaters have ever offered him, completing a journey from darkness to light that has taken his entire life. He is promptly martyred.

Editorial Critical Response:
Since Jesus Christ has already redeemed the world through his death and resurrection, the plot is somewhat less hyper-inflated than in years past. Readers appreciating character development will enjoy the new twist. The book has no plot other than the lead characters' growth in holiness (of which the Augustinian-tinged conversion scene of Draco Malfoy is admittedly a nice touch). --Publishers Weekly.

Rowling has pledged to give 90% of all profits to Catholic Relief Services, which is planning to single-handedly end world poverty with the windfall.

--I.C.

Lord, Deliver Us From The Bandage of Sin

...Oh, that's supposed to be "bondage"?

Never mind.

I still want to be delivered from this, though.

Worship Faux Pas And How To Avoid Them

Dear RCIA candidates,

We know you RCIA candidates are learning all kinds of important doctrine. But there are the "little things" about Catholic worship you don't want to ask out loud, aren't there? Yes, yes, we know. We are here to help. We hope this list helps you in your journey to reception in the Catholic Church this Easter.

1. If you have your cell phone on, changing the ring tone to "Joyful, Joyful We Adore Thee" for Mass time doesn't cut it.

2. Invading the personal space of other members of the Body of Christ: Be sure to space yourself the exact same distance from the other parishioners as they do themselves. Observe carefully; this is a skill intuited after years of practice.

3. If you bring Cheerios to pacify your toddler, bring enough for the kids in the pew behind you as well. (UPDATE! Or you can bring "Churchos" instead!)

4. If you come to Mass tired, don't slump disrespectfully. Depend on the skills that got you through high school. At least hold your head in your hands in such a way that you look reverential.

5. If you are able-bodied, the reverential bow at the reception of the Eucharist shouldn't be confused for a body twitch.

6. When the collection basket comes around, never use the collected money to break change for your $100 bill.

7. Kneeling etiquette: once done, sit back S L O W L Y to avoid slamming your back into someone's folded hands.

8. Yes, the Holy Eucharist is a participation in the Heavenly liturgy, as we transcend time and space, singing with angels and saints. Ergo, it is politic not to look bored. However, if you are too enthusiastic, remember you will be accused of Pentecostalism. You are hereby challenged.

9. The crying room is a space of shared suffering, to be sure. But social networking crosses the line.

10. When all else fails, remember the secret Catholic motto: "I can sing quieter than you can sing."

--I.C.

(p.s. The Curt Jester has added some more, as well as UnMuted Mumblings, The Propaganda Machine, Causa Nostra Laetitiae, Happy Catholic and Christus Vincit. Thanks to Alive and Young for the "Churchos" in #3. And feel free to add your own....)

Lord, Have Mercy

Sixteen degrees below zero Fahrenheit here.

With a stiff breeze.

(whimper)

The Commercial You WISH You Saw In The Super Bowl

Augh. Embedding seems beyond me today.

So use this link for an answer to the question: What would the Trappists do with all this hyped-up, super-charged noise called the Super Bowl?

(Yeah, so I'm not going to be hired by an ad firm anytime soon. Let's say it has "homemade charm.")

Thanks to long-suffering sic for the technical details here....

--I.C.

The Inevitable Blog Awards Post

Some folks have the Super Bowl...we have the blog awards.

If you're new to the Catholic blogosphere, there are yearly Catholic Blog Awards. To be candid, I'm not sure exactly how this works, since I started the blog in March 2006! But apparently you nominate deserving blogs in the following categories:

1. Best Overall Catholic Blog
2. Best Designed Catholic Blog
3. Best Written Catholic Blog
4. Best New Catholic Blog
5. Best Individual Catholic Blog
6. Best Group Blog
7. Best Blog by Clergy/Religious/Seminarian
8. Funniest Catholic Blog
9. Smartest Catholic Blog
10. Most Informative & Insightful Catholic Blog
11. Best Apologetic Blog
12. Best Political/Social Commentary Catholic Blog
13. Best Insider News Catholic Blog
14. Most Spiritual Blog

Then there are finalists, and winners....

You could nominate starting this Feb 4th, Noon CST, and the nominating process is closed on Feb 9th at Noon, CST. This award contest is sponsored and carried out by CyberCatholics.com.

There are lots of talented writers out there; why don't you poke around the blogrolls, do some reading, and give some a nomination? This seems like a nice way to give them some appreciation: a "day in the LCD glare."

(Hat tip to Happy Catholic and half of St. Blog's Parish.)

We Have A Winner! (PG 13)

The winner of the "Better than 'Porn and Pancakes'" pastoral council ad campaign contest is (drum roll please...):

"Sodomy and Sausages"...
contributed by Eve, of A Catholic in Steinbach!
Judges: Alliteration, meter, complete ridiculousness; what's not to love?

Some runners-up (although I must admit they were ALL quite good):

• Julie's "Macaroni and Sleaze" (Don't give the ad execs at Kraft any ideas, Julie)
• Rufus of Korrektiv's "Masturbation and Marmalade" (The contrast between depravity and wholesome berry goodness has a certain Korrektiv flair)
• Christopher's "Bestiality and Bacon" (Catechist: "See, folks, we CONSUME the animals, like this fine bacon here..." )

OK, I think the contest and ensuring commentary just moved this website into PG-13 territory. We'll switch back into family friendly territory Monday. But I hope the contest made you laugh.
--I.C.

p.s. Julie, give me your website if you want the link. We have a few Julies around these parts!

Insta-Prayers For Each Meyers-Briggs Personality Type

Myers-Briggs Personality Type Prayers from Wendy Cooper (stumbled upon this on a different internet mission).

ISTJ: Lord, help me to relax about insignificant details beginning tomorrow at 11:41:23 a.m. E.S.T.

ISTP: God, help me to consider people’s feelings, even if most of them ARE hypersensitive.

ESTP: God, help me to take responsibility for my own actions, even though they’re usually NOT my fault.

ESTJ: God, help me to not try to RUN everything. But, if You need some help, just ask.

ISFJ: Lord, help me to be more laid back and help me to do it EXACTLY right.

ISFP: Lord, help me to stand up for my rights (if you don’t mind my asking).

ESFP: God, help me to take things more seriously, especially parties and dancing.

ESFJ: God, give me patience, and I mean right NOW.

INFJ: Lord, help me not to be a perfectionist (did I spell that correctly?).

INFP: God, help me to finish everything I sta

ENFP: God, help me to keep my mind on one th - Look a bird! - at a time.

ENFJ: God, help me to do only what I can and trust you for the rest. Do you mind putting that in writing?

INTJ: Lord, keep me open to other’s ideas, WRONG though they may be.

INTP: Lord, help me to be less independent, but let me do it my way.

ENTP: Lord, help me follow established procedures today. On second thought, I’ll settle for a few minutes.

ENTJ: Lord, help me slow downandnotrushthroughwhatIdo.

(If anyone is wondering, I'm an INTJ. And I'm so nailed on this one.)
--I.C.


p.s. Last chance on the "Better Than 'Porn and Pancakes'" contest! Winner chosen at 8pm CST tonight.

To Hell In A Handbasket

I sure picked a good week to be swamped--lots of humor out there this week!



From Indexed, care of Coming To The Quiet and Axegrinder.

IPod Be With Me, IPod Within Me, IPod Behind Me

Axegrinder, in obvious new ownership glee, has written a parody ditty to the Almighty IPod based on St. Patrick's Breastplate prayer.

...
Against all foolish conversation,
Against all inanity,
Against all idiot machinations,
Please protect my sanity.
Against morons in coffee houses,
The nagging wife, the gadabout,
Who're never quiet as the mouses,
Please, iPod, please, drown them out.

Music be with me, Music within me,
Music behind me, Music before me,
Music beside me, Music to win me,
Music to comfort and restore me.
Music beneath me, Music above me,
Music from albums, Music from podcasts,
Music in ears of all that love me,
Music as long as the battery lasts.
...

You can see the whole piece here. Enjoy the music, Jason.

p.s. This does remind me of one of the more amusing visual outtakes on the IPod phenomenon... here.

--I.C.