Prayer request

A rising senior at the university I work at was in a train accident (as in she was hit by a train) this weekend. Her situation sounds very grave, she received a serious head injury; but it sounds as though her health can go in either direction. Could you please say a prayer for Christy's healing, and that God's strength and peace be with her family and friends? Thank you.

Update: On one hand, the swelling on her brain has increased (although that is normal 3-5 days after a head injury, say the nurses), and on the other hand, she is moving her fingers...first sign of response since her accident. So...please keep praying!

Second update (Wednesday): Keep praying. Christy is still in a coma and shows ambiguous signs...could be waking up, could be getting worse. She also has pneumonia, although that seems to be improving. Keep praying.

Third update (Friday): Her heartrate is fluctuating quite a bit, as well as pressure on the brain. She's hanging in there. Keep praying.

Fourth update (Monday): She is still in a coma but seems to be coming out of it, and the swelling is down. Her doctors are now talking about recovery. Thank God and keep praying, she has a long road to tred here.

Truth Is Stranger #53: "Second Life" As Mission Territory

Evangelization...the final frontier....

ROME (Reuters) - Catholic missionaries have always trekked to dangerous parts of the Earth to spread the word of God -- now they are being encouraged to go into the virtual realm of Second Life to save virtual souls.

In an article in Rome-based Jesuit journal La Civilta Cattolica, academic Antonio Spadaro urged fellow Catholics not to be scared of entering the virtual world which may be fertile ground for new converts wishing to better themselves.

"It's not possible to close our eyes to this phenomenon or rush to judge it," Spadaro said. "Instead it needs to be understood ... the best way to understand it is to enter it."

Second Life is a simulation game where players can create a virtual version of themselves -- an avatar -- and interact with other people in the three-dimensional world.

According to its Web site, it has a population of more than 8 million residents and millions of dollars change hands there every month.

"Is there (cyber) space for God?" Spadaro aaka in his article which says there are already virtual churches and temples serving countless religions. He quotes a Swedish Muslim who says his avatar prays regularly as he prays in real life.

Read the rest here.

Um. OK, apparently Second Life is pretty much a haven for those who want to have virtual sex (I wouldn't know for sure...haven't been there, and not going to go). So, I suppose the Word has a place there. But ... evangelizing through a virtual reality game?

I don't know what to think. Comments?
--I.C.
(HT to Locusts and Honey.)

Signs Are Wont To Interpretation (Some More Than Others)

Delightfully existential (and copyrighted) photo here.

Caption Contest #27

Source.

Caption away in the midrash box....

UPDATE! We have a winner!
John at Locusts and Honey: Fan vids for The Flying Nun are so totally lame.

Moral Theology Moment

A friendly reminder from your local God, through me, His humble servant.
(Ironically served on a blog.)
--I.C.

The Top 100 Ironic Reasons To Be Catholic: The Final Ten!

The rest of the series is here. Drum roll please...!

10. Those jaunty fuschia birettas the bishops get to wear. (Thanks, DC)
9. We have Cardinal Zen...
8. and Cardinal Sin.
7. We're not emergent: we're eternal.
6. We're not progressive: we're prophetic.
5. We're not old-fashioned: we're rooted.
4. We're not liberal: we love our neighbor.
3. We're not conservative: we look to God alone.
2. We're not entertained: we've received the peace of Christ.
1. ...and we're just getting started, baby.

Say it with me everyone: Thanks be to God!
--I.C.

Theological Flash Cards

This is a mutable good.

This is a mutable good.

This, indeed, is a mutable good.

This, also, is a mutable good.

Evil.

My very own "Truth is Stranger" moment: years ago, I was in a choir, which did ecumenical services, and we opened a song with kazoos rather than the scored trumpets... because "trumpets would have overwhelmed the relatively small space."

It was a moment when I recognized there are, indeed, universally recognized liturgical limits.

I was very young. But the expressions on those in the congregation--the choir was in the back, and the heads whipped around as one--were priceless.
--I.C.

That The (Church) Signs Of The Times May Be One

Clever series. I believe this is the third installment at Kansas City Catholic.

HT to Open Book.

Journalists Confuse Latino Mass for Latin Mass: English-Speakers Utterly Confused

Cold Spring, CO: It all started when the St. Teresa's Catholic Church secretary sent a press release to the local media, announcing that the weekly 12 Noon Spanish mass had been expanded to Spanish masses at 9am and 10:30am Sunday as well.

Unfortunately, the press release created a larger problem: no one in the newsroom recognized the language as Spanish, and assumed the Church had restored the Latin Mass, whose use was liberalized by Pope Benedict XVI a week ago.

"Well, you can't blame us," said Cold Springs Register editor Jane McBride. "It had the word 'Latino' in the first line, and with all the news out of Rome, it seemed obvious the parish was going hog-wild with the new old Latin rite."

After running a front page story on the local parish "going Latin," Fr. Eduardo Gonzalez called the local papers, insisting that the language used in the release and the Masses was Spanish. After a call to a local high school Spanish teacher, verifying the language, the editors released a corrections statement, in English, on pg. B14.

In the meantime, a number of St. Teresa's Church members showed up in confusion at the Sunday morning Masses, some clutching old missals with dust on the spines, and some looking for the typical Latino devotions to Our Lady of Guadalupe. As long-time member and English speaker Maybelle Watson said waspishly, "I don't know what the heck language we're getting now, but I know I'm not going to understand a word of it."

The Ironic Catholic has been on break, but the (distant) Cousin of the Ironic Catholic, nom de plume "CIC," secured an exclusive interview with Fr. Gonzalez.

CIC: Fr. Gonzalez, it seems that we have two worlds colliding: renewed interest in a Latin Mass and the explosion of Spanish Masses in the United States. Should English speakers be concerned?

Fr. G: Not at all. We are the Mystical Body of Christ, and what unites us far outweighs our cultural and linguistic differences. Remember that at the Pentecost, the apostles were understood by people of different nations all over the region. God breaks through our humanly-made barriers, including language.

CIC: So the language the apostles spoke was Latin?

Fr. G: Um, unlikely. It is understood to be a form of speaking in tongues, and understanding the tongues was a gift of the Holy Spirit. Plus, no one said "By Jiminy, they're speaking Latin!"

CIC: So... Latin is special why? It's not from God? Isn't the Bible written in Latin?

Fr. G: No, the Bible was originally written in Hebrew and Greek. Latin is the traditional common language of the early Church.

CIC: Can't English be the traditional common language? It's as grammatically complicated as Latin. And I got Ds in both of them in high school.

Fr. G: Well, English has become the international language, pretty much. It's only right that the Church speak for an underdog language like Latin. Latin's a dead language; it doesn't get more underdog than that.

CIC: So why do the Latin Masses have any popularity at all if the language is dead?

Fr. G: It's a bit more than the language itself. Some people feel the Latin Mass conveys the mystery of God more fully.

CIC: But don't Church people want to know who God is? Can't you just tell them straight, in a language they know?

Fr. G: Look, we're talking about the Creator and Sustainer of the cosmos. Sometimes approaching Him "sideways" rather than straight on gives you a clue as to what we are talking about.

CIC: Um, I didn't get that. (Pause.) But back to Spanish Masses. If English is the real international language, and Latin the underdog international language, why are you offering Spanish Masses? Because it's linguistically closer to Latin?

Fr. G: No, most of our congregation is first generation Latino. It's their first language.

CIC: Don't they want the mysterious Latin Mass?

Fr. G: Not usually; our congregation is made of people who love living in the United States but miss their specific cultural piety and language. This is the language in which they first learned about their loving Savior and Friend. There is a precious quality to maintaining that linguistic connection.

CIC: How are the English-speakers in your congregation taking the increased number of Spanish Masses?

Fr. G: (fidgeting) Well, it's been tough. Most Americans don't know Spanish, and don't seem to want to learn. So attendance by Anglos has dropped 80%. Right now, we're trying to get English-speakers to come by saying "Love the Latin? Come to our other great mysterious Mass."

CIC: The Great Mysterious Latino Mass? How is that Mass a mystery, exactly?

Fr. G: Unfamiliar language, unfamiliar practices, unfamiliar devotions. It stretches typical American Catholics. I'm convinced they could love this as much as the 1962 Latin Mass. And it would be outstanding outreach to our brothers and sisters in Christ.

CIC: Buena suerte, Fr. Gonzalez. By the way, your English is excellent.

Fr. G: Gracias, but that's because I'm a third generation Mexican-American.

CIC: Sorry. Jumped to conclusions there.

Fr. G: Yes, well, lots of "jumpiness" these days.

--I.C.

Church Holds Release Party for Ground-Breaking Novel, Annoys Rowling Fans

Megapolis, USA: St. Mark the Evangelist's Church didn't see it coming.

"We're proud to be the only church we know of that held a release party celebrating the latest novel from the greatest living writer who employs Christian themes or love, time, evil and redemption," announced Fr. Martin Wolff, pastor and professor of literature at RBCU*.

Harry Potter? No, it's called The Maytrees, by Annie Dillard, a Catholic poet and novelist. The novel examines the meaning of absolute love and betrayal through the life of a marriage.

Unfortunately, given the proximate release dates between The Maytrees and another long-anticipated novel, many party attendees were confused.

"I noticed the party was kind of low-key--no costumes or quidditch matches--but I got really confused when they began to do a reading from the book. I mean, where's Harry? And Voldemort? Were these Maytree and Lou characters under the Imperius Curse or something? But then I began to really listen to the reading...and wow, it was amazing. No one wanted her to stop," explained 16 year old Veronica Marcel.

"Yeah, I didn't know words could sound like that. I don't know some of them, but I'm looking them up," said Nathan Traut, 25. "I mean, Rowling keeps harping on love saving the day, but this book actually explores what that means in the details of real life, not fantasy escapism. It's radically deep stuff."

Not everyone was pleased. "I don't care if she's the greatest living Catholic writer on earth; I'm not resting until I find out whether Snape is good or evil," said RBCU sophomore Christopher Rittmann.

Fr. Wolff was unperturbed. "Sure beats handling questions about The Da Vinci Code all summer," he said.
--I.C.

*RBCU=Really Big Catholic University

p.s. One of our ilk (in Catholic blogdom) has posted on this new novel quite a bit, with a Dillard excerpt here.

p.p.s. Fr. Wolff may be approve of the hint I tried to give J.K. Rowling here -- The Harry Potter Series Revised After Rowling Became Catholic.

p.p.s. Lest you all think I'm being "More Literary Than Thou", I will spend the weekend reading the latest Harry Potter book. And The Maytrees is up for August.

Pope Benedict Is A Volcano

No, no, it's a compliment. Really.

I smiled, but I wonder if Cardinal Bertone should have rethought his words there. Especially given the general media reaction to Papal statements of late.


p.s. Speaking of that...especially to the Protestant readers out there, of which there are quite a few...the best take on the Pope's recent declaration about Catholicism as the true Church by a Protestant is here (Bob Edgar, secretary of the National Council of Churches). A short piece of it:

The announcement came within days of a papal statement opening the pre-Vatican II Latin Mass to more use. That has been seen as the pope appealing to traditionalist Catholics around the world.

The statement last week can be seen as the pope saying to those same traditionalists: “Don’t think I’m throwing out Vatican II. I’m not. And here’s a restatement on the doctrine on the Church that keeps the door open to ecumenical dialogue.”

While some interpreted the restatement as shunning non-Roman Catholics, the most important section was virtually ignored by the media. “It is possible, according to Catholic doctrine, to affirm correctly that the Church of Christ is present and operative in the churches and ecclesial Communities not yet fully in communion with the Catholic Church, on account of the elements of sanctification and truth that are present in them.”

We Christians who are not Roman Catholic, according to the statement, can find “sanctification and truth” in our churches. That is a radical change from the days before Vatican II.

My two cents. Back on break.--I.C.

Truth Is Stranger #52: IM Fr Da Lord

Back briefly to report on another sign of the impending apocalypse:

Source.

Kyrie Eleison. Christe Eleison. Kyrie Eleison.

I know God speaks through scripture, prayer, dreams, visions, and more. But I draw the line at a Blackberry. Here I stand, I can do no other, so help me God.

If you want to have some fun though...share what you think God would IM you on your Blackberry, AOL messenger, whatever.

Intermission

Ok, folks. First act over: stand up, stretch, and go buy an overpriced glass of wine in the lobby.

On break (that is, spotty blogging at best) for probably a week, perhaps 'till further notice. Or maybe I'll be refreshed earlier! Pass that wine!

Peace, I.C.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

One month ago...

7 Yr Old Son: Mom, I want to be a saint.
Mom: That's great, son. Everyone should want to be a saint.
Son: Yeah, but I want to be a saint while I'm still a kid. So-- what do I have to do to be a saint?
Mom: Um. (Thinking: how to put this in seven year old terms). Well, you basically need to do what God wants you to do with your life, to pray, and be good for God.
Son: That's great! I've been doing that practically my whole life!

Today:

Son: Mom, I don't want to get married.
Mom: Why not?
Son: Well, for three reasons. Number one, I want to be a saint. Number two, most saints weren't married. And number three, I want a dog.

Saving this for the hagiography.
--I.C.

When You Meet The Devil, Sunday Comics Style

See Sunday July 15's Cow and Boy comic for a little theological musing. Right next to Hagar and Family Circus in my paper....
and am I the only one who didn't find it all that funny? Just...true?

Five Reasons Meme

KaleJ at Un-Muted Mumblings tagged with this serious meme. I'd probably do a better job if I were less tired, but then again, you don't always get asked this when you are happy, peaceful and alert, do you?

Five reasons you love Jesus:
1. Well, He died for my sins. He saved my life, for no reason other than love.
2. Because He is Goodness and Beauty Itself.
3. He has this way of turning my life upside down and always for the better, especially when I am being a first class sinner and idiot.
4. He healed me of a seriously debilitating disease. Yup.
5. He taught, and still teaches me, how to pray.

I could go on.

I tag anyone who wants to play... but especially the rather large Minnesota crowd: Stella Borealis, Adoro Te Devote, Sanctus Belle, and the rest of God's frozen people. I'll add your link if you tell me you're playing in the midrash box....

Vito at The Long Road To The Priesthood has a lovely set of reasons here.
Athanasius at 50 Days Later does a great job as well, here.

Truth Imitating Fiction?

From John Allen's column in NCR Cafe, on Catholic Identity cards:

Anyone who regards the statement, "I'm a card-carrying Catholic" as a mere metaphor clearly has never met Marian Mulhall.

An advertising and communications executive in Dublin, Ireland, Mulhall decided in 2005 to combine her professional skills with her commitment to the church. Her aim is to develop programs to support priests, but first she had to come up with a product that would generate revenue. Thus she began pitching what she calls the "Catholic Identity Card." For $44 individually, or $173 for a "family pack" of five, a Catholic can obtain a credit-card sized piece of plastic bearing the holder's name, a picture of Pope Benedict XVI, a holographic icon showing the hands of a priest breaking the Eucharistic host, and a phrase in bold letters stating: "I am a Catholic. In the event of an accident or emergency, please contact a priest."

Mulhall explains the appeal this way: "It should be carried with you always. In doing so it makes a clear statement that you are a Catholic, that you make no apologies for being a Catholic, and that in fact you are proud to be a Catholic."...

(And she has a website with the card in all its glory: here.)

One year ago, from yours truly, a pseudo-news piece on...Catholic identity cards...

"Super Catholic" ID Card Could Solve Catholic Identity Issues

A former Department of Homeland Security official and RBCU* alumnus suggested a novel solution to ongoing "Catholic identity" issues debated at RBCU at a campus forum yesterday: the "Super Catholic" identification card.

Instead of engaging the draining battles against the typical culprits--whether the Administration will allow The Vagina Monologues on campus, sponsoring special interest groups that may or may not agree with Catholic teaching, or how many credits in Theology are in the general education curriculum--Brandon Well says that complexity can be put to a halt with a simple punch card I.D. "The beauty is in the simplicity of it all. When a student registers into the university, he or she gets this snazzy 'RBCU Super Catholic' card with the student's face and name. It can be used on one edge for adding money for the school cafe, bookstore, etc., or as a door key to dorms. The other edge gets a raised nub--a dent put in with a stylus--every time that student attends Mass, prays through Campus Ministry, participates in a sacrament, or wears a WWJD wristband," Well argued. When the card is "nubbed out," the student could receive another one, although he or she may wish to keep the other as a mark of distinction in Catholic observance....

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

And Marian Mulhall, if you got the idea from me, I want a cut in your earnings.

(HT to Ray for the Allen article.)

An Ironic Photo Album

Geez, Flickr people. Think of me, the trying to be ethical blogger, and make my life easier: stop copyrighting your pictures, and use Creative Commons, will ya?

My two yr old daughter was up all night with a cough. I'm obviously too grumpy and tired to write. So, a picture is worth a thousand words: an Ironic Photo Album.

Behold the ... !.

Parking Lot Dedicated to God.
(I assume they're up on the new 10 commandments....)

Your car need a paint job? You could think about doing this. Or not....

Introducing Just Go d Jewelers, perfect for those events when you're casting down golden crowns around the glassy sea.

And with apologies to our Buddhist friends in the audience (I didn't create this, just found it!): Introducing GummiBuddhas?

Truth Is Stranger #51: Boy Named Hell Refused Catholic School Enrollment

Full story here.

MELBOURNE (AFP) - A boy called Hell has been barred from enrolling in a Catholic school in Australia because his surname jarred with its religious teachings, the child's father said Monday.

The youngster's dad, 45-year-old Alex Hell, has expressed outrage after the primary school in the southern city of Melbourne allegedly refused to admit his son, Max.

...

Hell said that at one point he offered to change his son's name to his wife's maiden name of Wembridge, a suggestion that he said was welcomed by the principal of St Peter the Apostle primary school, Michael McGrath.

But he changed his mind, and was then told that Max would not be able to attend the school, Hell said.

School officials later had a change of heart, but Hell now says there is no way he will ever enroll his son there. ...

Ok, the school was being idiotic and deserves the bad press. Having said that...there are some names you just want to change, aren't there? Say, to Helson. Or Heller. Or Hellman. Or Hall. Or Hill. Or Hull. Or Smith.

--I.C.

Truth Is Stranger, Grad School Edition: Rock Star finishes PhD

OK, it isn't Catholic or even Christian, but as a someone who suffered through grad school, oddly inspiring and amazing.

Queen star finishes dissertation on interplanetary spacedust after 30 years.

We Are The Champions, my friend.


--I.C.

At A VBS Near You: "Splashdown With The Lord 2007"

Bemeely, MN: After last year's wildly successful "I Will Make You Fishers of Walleye" Vacation Bible School, St. Mary Magdalene Church has risen to the forefront of cross generational religious education in this year's offering: "Splashdown With The Lord and Friends 2007".

Kay Richtmann, the parish's Director of Religious Education, said "When we thought about why 'Fishers' was so wildly successful, it came down to two things: marrying summer fun with serious Biblical reflection. And what do you see over and over again in Scripture? Water. It's the source of life. And the source of clean summer fun."

The week's activities are centered on five "waterlogged" Bible stories: in order, The Crossing of the Red Sea (Exodus), Justice Flows Like an Everliving Stream (Amos 5), The Jordan River Baptisms of John the Baptizer (Mark 1), The Calming of the Sea and Jesus Walking on Water (Matthew 14), and The Changing of Water Into Wine at Cana (John). After reflecting upon the relevant scriptures with group discussion, Richtmann will lead the family groups to activities that "open up the power of water." As she says, "The local water park is graciously helping us reenact the parting the of the Red sea with its Ultimate Wave Pool. Come get smacked down like the Egyptians, we're calling it--now that's something kids will remember. The 'Justice' day, we're manufacturing a waterfall that literally cannot be turned off. Those sweaty people are going to get soaked to the bone in justice, and it's going to keep coming at them until they're sick of it! Then comes what I think will be the biggest hit--'walking on water day', when we hit the lake with Seadoos and water-skis. And, of course, the VBS ends with an adults only cocktail hour in honor of the Wedding at Cana. It will be an exciting week."

"I'm psyched," said 8 year old Sean O'Connor. "I wasn't sure if I wanted to be drenched with righteousness, but when Mom told me it was a water party, I said sign me up."

The VBS is almost filled, but the Church is still taking applications.

--I.C.

The Joys of Photoshop

Introducing: Pope Stephen. Who has aged quite a bit, given the strains of the office.

Hat tip to The Word: A Colbert Blog for Catholic It-Getters.

Caption Contest #26

Source. (And look closely.)

Ooh ooh, me first:
Sometimes the medium is the message. Sometimes, not. Yet other times, we're utterly confused as to what the message actually is.

According to this car, God peacefully kicks butt in the form of a frog.

Speaking of the spiritual works of mercy: is a mild fender-bender an acceptable form of admonishing the sinner?

UPDATE... we have a winner!
KaleJ: And He is gonna start by kicking your upside-down cross/peace symbol through the back seat.

--I.C.

The Ironic Catholic Defined; plus Name That Liturgical Tune!

The Ironic Catholic Defined.

The Ironic Catholic -- [adjective]: Smelling like turnips at all times 'How will you be defined in the dictionary?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Hmm. And I thought this blog smelled like the Onion.
(Hat tip to KaleJ at Un-muted Mumblings.)

And another generator for the Catholic crowd:

Which Catholic Liturgical Song Best Reveals Your Deepest Self?

You Satisfy The Hungry Heart

Take this quiz at QuizHeaven.com

Hey, I like that one.

p.s. Blogger people--is there a reason I can't make titles on half my posts lately?

Ponderous Question: If time is a human construction, why is there never enough of it?

See the series here. Found in the circular file of offices deep within Vatican City....

Dear Holy People in Charge,

Hello, it's me again. When I attended my Jesuit university, my philosophy professor told me that time was a human construct, that is, in God's reign time may be entirely different, even non-existent: "the kairos, or the fullness of time." I always thought that was pretty interesting as a college student with some time to kill, and the ability to stay up all night without consequences. But as a middle-aged mother with young kids, I now humbly beg to differ. If human beings are the ones who make up this thing we call "time," why can't we make enough of it? If we added just a little extra time, I can give each kid good attention, pray, go to Mass, cook a decent meal, clean a bit, have meaningful conversations with my husband, and blog. I mean, look at the cover of any women's magazine: every issue contains articles on how to diet, how to bake chocolate, how to exercise, and how to manage time. If Women's Day is our cultural bellwether, lack of time is clearly a crisis.

Seriously, could the Church get behind adding a couple of extra hours to the day? Especially if they are dedicated to prayer? I see you got this motu propio thing going, and I personally think that an ecumenical Council on the universal time shortage wouldn't be out of place. I firmly believe that God can do all things, and I can do all things through God who strengthens me. But the Church can and should help, and should encourage the universal vocation to holiness by adding these extra two hours. The mothers of the world thank you in advance.

I also think it would give philosophers something concrete to debate for the next few years--"why they could do that"--and that could keep them out of trouble and off the streets, debating whether lampposts exist.

By the way, mornings are my best time, and some extra minutes in each hour between 8am-Noon would work nicely for me. Thanks.

In the love of our God who never sleeps,
Sleepy.

--I.C.

Favorite Catholic Blogs Meme

Favorite blogs meme.

I was tagged by 50 Days After as a favorite Catholic blog (hey, thanks!). Thinking about this, this could be a very long list or a very short one. I just did the Rocking Girl Bloggers piece, so I'll spread the good news a bit more with a tiny list of four (although I read and enjoy many more):

Happy Catholic: Julie is St Blog's "one stop shopping." Nice spiritual reflections, fun jokes and pictures, and enough weight to keep it interesting.
Korrektiv: Kind of the Catholic-existential-literary-Monty Python-esque bloggers on the block. FYI, PG 13.
And I Let Myself Be Duped: Mark Mossa S.J.'s blog, and maybe if he sees this, he'll go post something again...please? Winner for best blog title, hands down.
Transcendental Musings: Maggie is my fellow Korrektiv groupie. And I love her funny "I've been philosofried" post.

You all consider yourself tagged, if you wish.

Apparently Something Is Cooking This Weekend

The elusive "Motu Propio," with side salad, $15.99
$3.00 extra with shrimp.
Suggested wine: Blue Nun Reisling

I've heard, oh, somewhere on the blogosphere, that the Vatican is serving up "Motu Propio" this weekend.

...looks potentially tasty, I guess...

Not at all sure it's a daily dish for me, though.

(Besides, I heard the recipe is in Latin. Sinks me. I'd have to guess my way through the cooking event.)

Happy weekend, all.--I.C.

A Catholic Knows It's Humid When...

(Inspired by KaleJ's great list "A Catholic Knows It's Hot When..." at Un-muted Mumblings. Floridian The Curt Jester tried his hand at this as well, when Northerner Kale was wondering about Catholics in the Cold a few months ago. My twist, for what it is worth: soul-soaking humidity, pumped into the air by those 10,000 lakes I live near....)

Everyone at church seems to be struck by the gift of tears, but it's actually just beads of sweat.

The baptized babies say "ahhhh" when dunked in the lukewarm water.

All personal fasting from fluids is ordered to be stopped by the parish priest.

When people bless themselves with holy water, they smear the water all over their faces. They then place their faces in front of a personal fan and pray a Glory Be.

People listen to Father's homily on Jesus as the source of living water with unusually rapt attention.

The rosary group gets canceled, as the beads keep slipping from everyone's sweaty grasp.

People begin pleading for mercy with St. Isidore, patron of farmers, to cool it on the perfect --but humid-- crop weather.

The charismatic prayer group suggests a healing Mass for the dehydrated of the community.

A child innocently asks Father if the communion wine could be chilled, and served in a super-sized cup.

The "kiss of peace" becomes a vigorous wave of the hand, to show affection and create a slight breeze.

You begin asking the saints details about mystical visions of hell, sheerly for comparison purposes.

--I.C.

"If Andy Warhol's 90 Year Old Granny Got Religion"

That's what I'm naming the quilt I recently received as a present.

(Given the colors, she may have been smoking dope too.)

The pattern is called "Birthday presents", but so help me, I look at it and see the cross in technicolor.

...All that said, I like it.

Top 100 Ironic Reasons to Be Catholic: #20-11

(You can find the other 80 reasons in this series here.)

20. The chrism oil smells sooooo good. It almost makes you want to get baptized again, but then you'd be Baptist.
19. Got a social issue? We've got a statement.
18. a. Man does not live by bread alone. b. We're centered in Italy. c. Ergo, Catholics are encouraged to eat more pasta. Score.
17. The eternal city may have something to do with the prevalence of wine as well...a good thing.
16. If you ever get stranded on a desert island with a large enough supply of unconsecrated* communion wafers, you couldn't exactly live off them, but you could probably glue them together to make a serviceable raft.
15. ...alternatively, you could take your mind off your impending death by playing unconsecrated host tiddlywinks.
14. A cloistered nun is the patron saint of missionaries (St. Therese de Lisieux).
13. If it weren't for us, the "Filet O' Fish" sandwich would have tanked years ago, placing fishermen out of honest work.
12. Our churches are never, ever named after subdivisions.
11. We, and only we, have the Ten Commandments for Drivers.

*note that incredibly important adjective. I am not, repeat not, a blasphemer. Thanks.

We're coming up on number #1!
Stay tuned!--I.C.

The Hand That Rocks The Blogosphere Rules The World

Thanks to rockin' Diane at Bringing Home the Word (as well as at The Word, The Catholic Colbert blog) for nominating me and her kind words about this blog.

And now I get this very pretty badge!

Apparently the clue is to nominate five other blogs written by women that rock. Apparently a number of my ilk have already been named to this august honor. That, combined with thoughts such as "That one rocks--oh geez, he's a guy too....", presents a dilemma. Women out there, you need to blog more. Yes, I know we're busy essentially taking care of the cosmos and all, but really. Remember: The hand that rocks the blogosphere rules the world.

So that said, I'm trying to nominate people who have not been nominated by others, and will be inevitably leaving people out. My five nominees from all over the Catholic map:

Adoro at Adoro Te Devote. I don't know that Adoro and I would agree on every single thing, but we would agree on the biggest ones. I appreciate her transparency, her willingness to be bold and take risks for God, and besides, she's an alum of the university where I teach. (Which she kind of hated, but hey, we'll let that go.)
Sr. Susan at Musings of a Discerning Woman. The queen of Catholic Social Teaching meets prayer life meets vocational discernment!
Katerina at Vox Nova. She says things no one else does, and I, for one, appreciate that. Plus she's responsible for the awesome "Why am I Catholic?" video.
The Kitchen Madonna. Theology meets The Iron Chef. Yum.
Ask Sr. Mary Martha. Ok, so we don't know if she is really a she, or who this actually is. I'm not one to cast stones here. The blog totally rocks. Dear Abby can retire now.

I.C.

The Latest Innovation: "Liturgy of the Seconds"

Although if we are truly trying to shave time with God (!)...
"Lit o' th' Sec" will do.

Great one, Jeff. You all can see the Curt Jester's post proposing it here.
--I.C.

Truth Is Stranger #50: Chapped Lips May Be A Sin

...So goes the logic behind Heavenly Lips, "The Lip Balm of the Saints". No chapped lips among the cherubim and seraphim, I guess.

Oh, well. At least they aren't trying to promote it as a multipurpose anointing balm/chap stick combo.

--I.C.