Your Monday Smile

My daughter (right) and my niece, all giggly.

Better than ironic humor, hmm?

Friday's QOTD

All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why.

--James Thurber

Caption Contest #79

(Photo source.)

UPDATE! We have a winner!

Christine: "Eternal Damnation: The Ultimate Tag and Tow"

It's Harder Than You Think To Be A Third Generation Apocalyptic

Source.

School Starts

...my university starts classes tomorrow, so blogging will be a little lighter until I get my feet wet, as they say.

Did Jesus Laugh?: Fr. James Martin

Nicely done, although I wish it had been a bit longer. Hat tip to The Deacon's Bench.

Friday's QOTD

Nowadays men lead lives of noisy desperation.

--James Thurber

A Bad, Bad Joke

But my mom (MIC= mother of the IC!) sent it to me. What am I going to do, not post it? Thanks, Mom.

How well do you know YOUR (mostly Protestant) hymns?

Dentist's Hymn................................Crown Him with Many Crowns

Weatherman's Hymn.......................There Shall Be Showers of Blessings

Contractor's Hymn.........................The Church's One Foundation

The Tailor's Hymn...........................Holy, Holy, Holy

The Golfer's Hymn..........................There's a Green Hill Far Away

The Politician's Hymn.....................Standing on the Promises

Optometrist's Hymn........................Open My Eyes That I Might See

The IRS Agent's Hymn.....................I Surrender All

The Gossip's Hymn............................Pass It On

The Electrician's Hymn...................Send The Light

The Shopper's Hymn........................Sweet Bye and Bye

The Realtor's Hymn...............I've Got a Mansion Just over the Hilltop

The Massage Therapists Hymn.......He Touched Me

The Doctor's Hymn...............................The Great Physician

AND for those who speed on the highway - a few hymns:

45mph....................God Will Take Care of You

65mph...................... Nearer My God To Thee

85mph...................This World Is Not My Home

95mph.......................Lord, I'm Coming Home

100mph..................Precious Memories

Truth Is Stranger #103: Tweeting the Wailing Wall

JERUSALEM (Reuters) – Want to tweet God?

An Israeli university student has opened a Twitter site,twitter.com/thekotel, where prayers can be sent for placement in the crevices of Jerusalem's Western Wall, a Jewish holy site that faithful believe provides a direct line to the Almighty.

More here.

Caption Contest #78

Photo source.

UPDATE! We have a winner:

Dave: Competition for the position of Mother Superior was especially fierce this election, with many sisters jockeying for position.

Scenes from the IC home

(Backstory: sic--Spouse of the Ironic Catholic--just got back from a very good retreat experience.)

IC: (Tired and grateful that sic is doing the second batch of dishes from dinner) You're such a good person. Thank you.

sic: Honey, it is no longer I who wash dishes, but Christ who washes dishes in me.

Happy Feast of the Assumption

Friday's QOTD

"The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself."

--James Thurber

(...not too far off from St. Francis de Sales' insights on good humor...?)

Truth Is Stranger #102: Nuns Nab Ne'er-do-well

Photo source--not the nun in the news story.

From the AP: "Pair of Nuns Help Mo. Police Nab Robbery Suspect"

Best line: "One of the nuns gave chase, wearing her ankle-length habit and flip-flops."

(Longer version of news story here.)

Twitter-Bible, Part II

(Picture right: That ain't the Holy Spirit, folks.)

Deuteronomy: "I fought the Law, and the Law won." Altogether now!

Jeremiah: Stop it, Judah! Stop it! STOP IT! (gnashing of teeth) Told you.

Hosea: Go-Go Gomer the Good Time Girl? G_d, have You lost it? Apparently, yes.

****

(Just got back from retreating. More later. Thanks for starting this, sic!)

p.s. kudos to my favorite reader-submitted one so far:

Roz: Psalms: You are wonderful, alleluia. I am scum, alleluia anyway. I'm in trouble, help me. You helped me and the wicked rot. Alleluia.

If the Bible Had Been Twittered

Hi-ho, sic here. (That's Spouse of the Ironic Catholic, for the uninitiated.) I was supposed to be filling in for IC while she was on retreat; instead, I have been collapsing into bed way too late at night. Honestly I don't know how she does it.

That means that my really great post idea is going to be served up more half-baked than usual . . . but with the confidence that many of you regular commenters will take the concept and run with it.

The genesis of this idea came from a weighty theological question posed by my nine-year-old son during our family catechesis: "Why did God come to earth two thousand years ago instead of now?" Normally I am stumped by these questions that kids think up, but I know the answer to this one: Clearly, God wanted to inspire the sacred authors before the advent of Twitter, lest the Bible be reduced to a series of 73 tweets of 140 characters each, to wit:

Genesis
God gives humans a good deal. Humans screw it up. God lectures humans, bails them out. Again. Codependent? No, just covenantal.

Genesis (alternate version)
More dysfunctional families than 12 daytime talk shows, but God makes them into a great nation anyway. Eat your heart out, Dr. Phil!

Exodus
After ten warnings, Pharaoh goes up against God AGAIN, gets a-- kicked. LOL. But Hebs whining "Are we there yet?" gets on even God's nerves.

Leviticus
Rats, geckos, and bats are officially off the menu, folks. Forget about that Kentucky Fried Bats franchise concept.

Joshua
Going in! Wait, someone is here already. Let's walk around the city a few times.

Lamentations
Stuff happens.

Job
Stuff happens, and only God knows why.

Jonah
Sure, the Assyrians invaded your country and enslaved your people. But seeing their livestock in sackcloth will be the sweetest revenge.

Gospel of John
Jesus said, "The Father is in me, and I am in the Father; if you live in me, the Father lives in you, and--" Uh, we need an editor, stat!

Revelation
OMG! No, this time it's for real. Time to think up new, more pious way to express surprise.

Yeah, I know you can do better. So Twitter away in the comments box, and let's reduce the Bible to 10,220 characters or less, 140 characters at a time! 'Cause you know, those Sunday readings do go kind of long sometimes....

(More here.)

Retreat! Retreat!

No, not that type of retreat.

I'm in this spiritual director prep program (one year to go), and for the next few days I direct a retreatant, another person in the program, with supervision. Pray for my retreatant, for sure!

sic may be doing some guest posting; otherwise, I'll be back on Thursday. Peace, everyone.

Friday's QOTD

"Delicate humor is the crowning virtue of the saints."

--Evelyn Underhill

Caption Contest #77

Photo source.

UPDATE! We have a winner!

CMinor: ...Then sings my sole, my Savior Cod, to Thee....

(and I add:) How Baked Thou Art...How Baked Thou Art

The Deep, Meaningful Insight of the Day

Hee!

And when me and the Crescat wake up in the same general hour, watch out! Found at her site.

The Kierkegaardian Irony Of It All

Little did I know one of my very favorite Christian philosophers--who indeed wrote much about Socratic irony--was in the running last election.



Well, actually, I had hoped....

HT The Zeray Gazette.

"Grace for Clunkers" Program Extended

Rochester, MN: The good people in need of a spiritual carburetor flush at St. Boniface Catholic Church can relax. Sunday's bulletin announced that the wildly popular Grace for Clunkers program has been extended.

Grace for Clunkers is the brainchild of Fr. Jason Ippolati, the new associate pastor of St. Boniface. "In my first few months as a priest, it has become increasingly clear to me that every human being is, in his or her soul, a clunker. Shiny and new and some point, created by God for sure, but chugging along without air in the tires and in need of a new transmission. The thing is, they have to admit to their clunkiness, and allow God's grace to get them on the road again," said Fr. Ippolati.

After a few initial chuckles in the pews, the announcement of the three week program--which involved titles such as "What's the blue book value of your soul?," "The Clunkiness of the Culture of Death," "The Stimulus of Seeing God Not Enough For You?"--drew an overwhelming response.

"I took better care of my car than I do my spiritual life," choked out an attendee who wished to remain anonymous. "That's what I learned. I went to reconciliation for the first time in a decade, and...I can't explain it. It's like my soul has that new car smell. You just can't simulate it--even with those cheap $2 air fresheners."

"It's not about a trade-in--it's about transformation!" shouted Fr. Ippolati at a session posted on YouTube. "Yea, though I chug through the valley of death, I fear no break-down, for you are with me. Your dipstick and your engine coolant, they comfort me."

Although the program, which ended with a city-wide reconciliation service and individual confession, was to end last weekend, Fr. Ippolati announced to the congregation's great delight that grace does not have an expiration date, and the program was "infinitely extended" to every Saturday afternoon at 3pm.

Parishioners interviewed agreed that the Grace for Clunkers program was a proven success in rethinking the Christian life. "It was really interesting stuff. I never knew the fruit of tree of knowledge of good and evil was a lemon," mused parishioner Sheila Murray.

--I.C.

The Apocalypse Cometh, Evidence #903

The Noah's Ark collectibles phenom is bad enough, but...finger puppets about the 10 plagues on the Egyptians?