The I Antiphons (in honor of the last week before Christmas)

I come, I come to the last week before,

and wish to shop for presents nevermore.

Make straight the way that leads to my bed,

because I'm feeling re-ally dead.

Rejoice!  Rejoice!  I come the week before

and ransom coffee from my local store.

I come to wisdom from on high

that caffeine will soon energize.

The path of peace is just days away--

it soon will stop and sitting I will stay. R.

I come to realize that setting free

the kids beneath the Christmas tree

was not the best move you'll ever see,

now Christmas presents large maracas be. R.

I come, I need a Day-spring soon to cheer

my spirits by this advent here--

Disperse the gloomy clouds of night,

Consumerism put to flight. R.

I come with a Key of King David, come,

Twill open wide our much disheveled home;

Make safe our hearts from shopping and stress,

And help us now appreciate our mess. R.

I come to plead the Lord of might,

Still Lord at the gift-buying's height

Please help us recall what advent is,
and let our neighbor love her wrapped Cheese Whiz.  R.

I come, with amaryllis root and tree,

I come with jars of pre-made nut cookies,

and cards promised in February for all:

All peoples on Thy mercy call. R.

I ask, Desire of nations, bind

in one the hearts of humankind;

Bid Thou our self-made craziness cease,

And be Thyself our King of Peace. R.