Saturday, February 05, 2011

10 best answers for theology students stumped in class

OK, theology students out there. Your teacher asks you difficult theology questions? Do you never know how to answer? Tired of not knowing what the heck to say? These ten answers should get you out of any given Christian theology question. Use with abandon and confidence.

10. Get thee behind me, Satan! (p.s. may have to drop course afterward)

9. Professor, I was practicing lectio divina on the text, and the material was so rich, I didn't get past the first paragraph.

8. But why do I need to answer such things when all is vanity? Do you want me to contribute to that?

7. In all respect, professor, I don't see why I have to answer when Thomas Aquinas more or less aced it for all eternity.

6. Um, if you could just give me a minute--I'm figuring out the numerology embedded in your question before I answer. Could be a sign, you know.

5. (On a slip of paper to be handed to the professor) I just had a vision that has rendered me speechless. I expect to be able to talk again when my wife gives birth to our miracle child and prophet. I trust you'll understand. Thanks.

4. "The only solution is love." (Dorothy Day)

3. Jesus is the reason for the season, the rizzle for the sizzle, the tension for the question. (snaps fingers at end, dances out of the room)

2. The paschal mystery. It always goes back to the paschal mystery.

1. (with solemn intonation) Well, you know, ...God.

5 the midrash:

Anonymous said...

I once took a theology test where I swear I could have logically used "because God loves us and wants us to be happy" as the answer to almost all the questions. I had the good sense not to though. :D

Michelle said...

My sacramental theology professor told us to revert to answer 2 whenever we were stuck. It has helped...

Cally said...

For short-answer questions: It's a Mystery.

For longer answers: "ineffable",
"valence", "sacramental world view"

That should cover it :)

George @ Convert Journal said...

Made me laugh! Thanks.

CMinor said...

#1 was the favorite of my K and Pre-K Sunday School classes. Runner-up answers when that one didn't get an affirmative were (in order of preference):
and if we'd read about him in recent weeks,