Friday, December 07, 2012

"Coffee as a Means of Grace: a sip of theological humor"

From our Evangelical brother Michael Svigel: a faux academic paper on the role of coffee in the life of believers:

Positive Spiritual Effects Of Coffee

This section will examine some of the spiritual effects of drinking coffee. Many more could be added, but the following will demonstrate that not only is the doctrine of coffee as a means of grace biblical, it is also historical and practical.

Drinking Coffee Prepares the Flesh for Suffering. According to the New Testament, suffering is an honor, a virtue, and a means of sanctification. We are to endure it with joy. Drinking coffee helps our sinful flesh to prepare for joyful suffering. It upsets the stomach and has a diarrheic effect on the digestive system. It can irritate ulcers and causes a jittery nervousness. Withdrawal from long coffee binges causes dreadful headaches that no amount of medication can relieve. Besides this, any honest coffee drinker will admit that coffee is a horrid beverage. If the brew is too weak, it tastes like dirty water; if it is too strong, it tastes like motor oil. To temper the inherent and unavoidable nastiness, one must add cream, milk, sugar, blue stuff, pink stuff, clumps, lumps, drops, syrups, froth, or foam. The whole ordeal can cause mental or emotional anguish to the indecisive and possibly separation anxiety when a failed mix of coffee and condiments must be poured down the drain.

In short, coffee drinking is suffering.

However, it is also joy. It stimulates the body and the mind. It acts as an anti-depressant and creates a bond of fellowship and community among consumers. A hot, steamy cup warms the heart on a frosty day; a cold, icy glass cools the soul when it’s hot. It wakes us up and keeps us alert. It gives us something to hold firmly in our hands and sip soothingly with our lips for peace and security in uncomfortable and stressful times.

Drinking Coffee Prepares the Body for Prayer. We are told to pray without ceasing; to offer up prayers of every kind to God. However, there is always an obstacle that seems to separate us from true, heart-felt prayer to God: the weak flesh. On the night he was betrayed, our Lord instructed his disciples to be alert and to pray, lest they fall into temptation (Matt 26:40-45; Luke 22:45-46). Unfortunately, on three occasions he returned to find his disciples asleep!

Until I accepted coffee as a means of grace, I struggled both internally and externally with the entire concept of waking up early in the morning to seek the Lord in prayer. Internally, I could never believe the tales of people who said they woke up at 4:00 a.m. and prayed for hours. I thought, “How could anybody get up that early and then stay awake that long?!” Externally, whenever I attempted to follow this model, I ended up asleep using my folded hands as a pillow. No, certainly there had to be an answer to this difficult question.

When one factors in coffee as a means of waking up the believer and then keeping him or her alert, all of the practical problems with rising early and seeking the Lord are solved. Coffee has a very positive effect on the prayer life of the believer. In some cases, it is indispensable.....

More here.


ArchAngel's Advocate said...

Blessed are You, O God of Creation!
Thru Your Goodness we have this cuppa to offer
Fruit of the Bean,
and the fruit of our K-Cup brewer,
It is our Heavenly {1st thing in the AM} drink!
{sugar & foam optional}

Paul said...

You need to drink better coffee. Start with decent beans and a medium roast and brew appropriately. Even really good coffee made badly will taste very bad. The Aeropress is one of the best ways to brew superbe coffee at home without a lot of expense or training. Avoid the national chain that starts with "S" and is pro-gay, pro-death anyway. espresso map lists coffee shops that employ highly trained baristas and focus on great coffee.

And always - Mystic Monk Coffee