Tuesday, June 07, 2011

"A Catholic Knows It's Humid When...."

In honor of the hottest and most humid day in Minnesota in five years (100 degrees and you can squeeze out the air), a re-run:


(Inspired by KaleJ's great list "A Catholic Knows It's Hot When..." at Un-muted Mumblings. Floridian The Curt Jester tried his hand at this as well, when Northerner Kale was wondering about Catholics in the Cold a few months ago. My twist, for what it is worth: soul-soaking humidity, pumped into the air by those 10,000 lakes I live near....)

Everyone at church seems to be struck by the gift of tears, but it's actually just beads of sweat.

The baptized babies say "ahhhh" when dunked in the lukewarm water.

All personal fasting from fluids is ordered to be stopped by the parish priest.

When people bless themselves with holy water, they smear the water all over their faces. They then place their faces in front of a personal fan and pray a Glory Be.

People listen to Father's homily on Jesus as the source of living water with unusually rapt attention.

The rosary group gets canceled, as the beads keep slipping from everyone's sweaty grasp.

People begin pleading for mercy with St. Isidore, patron of farmers, to cool it on the perfect --but humid-- crop weather.

The charismatic prayer group suggests a healing Mass for the dehydrated of the community.

A child innocently asks Father if the communion wine could be chilled, and served in a super-sized cup.

The "kiss of peace" becomes a vigorous wave of the hand, to show affection and create a slight breeze.

You begin asking the saints details about mystical visions of hell, sheerly for comparison purposes.


(Excuse me while I go sweat now.)

1 the midrash:

Helene said...

Perfect! We're not quite there in New Jersey, but we will be tomorrow and Thursday. Oh goodie.