If you want to tell people the truth, make them laugh, otherwise they'll kill you. -- Oscar Wilde
Monday, January 05, 2015
"I am the very model of a Biblical philologist"
My sense is most people have no idea what academic study of sacred texts looks like. This ditty hints why you may not want to know....
And a big hat tip to my friend Brian for pointing me to the video!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
The I Antiphons (in honor of the last week before Christmas)
I come to plead the Lord of might,
and let our neighbor love her wrapped Cheese Whiz. R.
Thursday, December 04, 2014
The Cost of Discipleship? A Bargain at $16!
Hat tip to my friend Kelly Johnson, through facebook, who wisely noted "Well, it may be cheap, but it still isn't free."
Wednesday, October 09, 2013
Christ and Culture Club #AddaWordRuinaChristianBook
— Fred Provencher (@FredProvencher) October 10, 2013
Sinners in the hands of an angry Godzilla #AddaWordRuinAChristianBook
— Ben Myers (@FaithTheology) October 8, 2013
#AddaWordRuinaChristianBook Lord of the Onion Rings
— Catholic Problems (@CatholicPrblm) October 8, 2013
The Great Divorce Lawyer #addawordruinachristianbookGo read RNS' selection herel.
— Tim Canny (@tcanny) October 9, 2013
I have retweeted some I really like, and created a few of my own. Feel free to follow the twitter feed, by the way.
And friends, these are great, but mostly driven by well known Protestant Christian books (like The Purpose Driven Life, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, etc.). Can we do this with really well known Catholic titles? Go to twitter and use the hashtag #addawordruinachristianbook . Enjoy!
Thursday, September 19, 2013
Talk Like a Pirate Day 2013: On Bleedin' Eagles' Wings, Bucko!
With all apologies to those who adore the song, and the composer, who I have worked with and is a fine human being. Arrr, I be eatin' extra wormy biscuits fer this.
More Talk Like a Pirate day meets the Ironic Catholic fun here.
Friday, September 13, 2013
Car Talk Meets Pope Francis: a dream come true
|Pope Francis lays eyes on his 1984 Renault. From the CNS article linked below.|
Well, Pope Francis calling in to Car Talk would be a dream come true (I know, Tom and Ray retired, I'm still in denial). But this is sure close.
VATICAN CITY — Leave it to the slapstick brothers, Tom and Ray, at Car Talk to have a field day with the news of Pope Francis’ recent present: a lovingly used 30 hp 1984 Renault 4.
Closely followed by this story (Papa Francis: "Security!, remember you are dust and to dust you shall return! Woooo!").
Car Talk's first comment on Twitter: "The Pope buys a used Renault. Now there is a man who believes in the power of prayer."
And others joined in:
- I always thought the Pope would drive a Christ-ler
- “Tu illam inundarunt” (Latin for “You flooded it”).
- The pope can easily handle a flooded engine. Even if it’s of Biblical proportions.
- He needs one of two bumper stickers. #1, God is my co-pilot. OR #2, My other car is the Pope Mobile.
- I haven’t seen car trouble like this since we tried to fit all the Apostles in one Accord.
- It’s either burning oil, or you’ve just been replaced.
- “A little black smoke is fine, just watch out for the white smoke”.
- If you see a lot of white smoke, it might mean it’s time to elect a new car.
- The black smoke means that a new car must still be chosen.
- Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust.
If not for Renault
Our tools would rust.
- Look the Vatican acquired a new relic.
- “The Spiritus Sancti made manifold…”
- Last Rides, anyone? (Extreme disfUnction)
- Pop that lever and let’s see what’s under the sainthood.
- 20 years to go 186,000 miles? Light can do that in one second.
- “Well, sir, it keeps overheating because the water in the radiator keeps turning to wine…”
- If they can cram 6 or 7 parishioners in it to drive to St. Peter’s on Sunday, is it considered Mass Transit?
- If he wanted to follow The Lord, the Pope would drive a Plymouth: “Behold, I will gather them out of all countries, where I have driven them in my anger, and in my FURY” – Jeremiah 32:37, King James Edition
- and in the UK we use “and Moses came down from Sinai in his Triumph (probably a stag or TR6)”
- No, no, no. Clearly holy people are Honda lovers. “All these with one accord were devoting themselves to prayer, together with the women and Mary the mother of Jesus, and his brothers.”
And so it continues over on Twitter. Happy Friday indeed.
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
"The Gospel According to Melvin" continues
... Now Jesus did, on many occasions, eat with tax collectors, prostitutes, and other unsavory characters. So the Pharisees and scribes muttered to themselves, "Isn't it truly said, 'A leopard is known by his stripes, and a man by his actions'?"*
And Jesus defended himself, saying, "Suppose one of you had a hundred sheep."
And James said to him, "But we're fishermen! What would we do with sheep?"
And Andrew said, likewise, "Can you imagine taking them out on the boat? They'd probably get tangled up in the nets!"
"Yeah," said John. "And they'd probably get seasick! We'd be cleaning sheep spew out of the boats for weeks!"
But Matthew said, "Not ALL of us are fishermen, you know."
"I know," said Peter, "But did you ever hear Jesus say, Follow me and I'll make you TAXERS of men? I don't think so. And he SURELY never said, I will make you SHEEPERS of men!" And they all laughed. "I can just imagine that!" he continued, "Hey Pete, feed my sheep!"
Then Philip, who'd only been half listening, spoke up. "Wait a minute guys. Lord, did you say 'a hundred sheep' or 'a hungry sheep'?"
"I really wasn't talking to you this time, fellas," Jesus said, though by this time the Pharisees and scribes had lost interest and were discussing among themselves whether it was a sin to shove a Gentile's ox into a ditch on the Sabbath, if simply going around him meant you had to brush up against a Samaritan who was helping a wounded traveler." Jesus cleared his throat loudly and tried again. ...
Go Thou And Read It All.
Tuesday, June 04, 2013
Theologically Unfortunate Ad Placement
Friday, November 09, 2012
Those "Coexist" folks sure have made life confusing
Wednesday, September 19, 2012
Psalm 42, New Revised Pirate Version
To a pirate marooned, or facing th' Cat O Nine Tails.
1 As th' jolly roger longs fer streams o' water,
so me soul thirsts pants fer ye, me God.
2 Me soul thirsts fer God, fer th' liv'n God.
When can I go an' rendezvous wi' God?
3 Me tears have b'n me burgoo day an' night,
while people say t' me all day long, “Where be your bleedin' God, bucko?”
4 These things I remember as I pour out me soul:
how I used t' go t' th' brigantine o' God under th' protection o' th' Almighty Buccaneer
wi' shouts o' joy an' praise among th' festive mateys.
5 Why, me soul, be ye downcast? Why drowned in bilge within me?
Put yer hope in God, matey, fer I will yet praise Him, me Sailor an' me God.
6 Me soul be downcast within me; therefore I will reakon you from th' sea o' Galilee,
th' ports o' Holy call.
7 Deep calls t' blistering deep in th' roar o' your waterfalls;
all yer waves and breakers have swept over me ship like a storm at yer sea.
8 By day th' Lord directs his fair winds, at night his pennywhistle be wi' me—
a prayer t' th' God o' me life on the holy account.
9 I say t' God me Rock, “Why hast ye forgotten me?
Why must I go bout mourn'n, oppressed by th' landlubbers?”
10 Me bones suffer the Davies as me foes take a cutlass to me,
say'n t' me all day blitheringly long, “Where be your God?”
11 Why, me soul, be ye downcast? Why so unseaworthily disturbed within me? Put yer hope in God, fer I will yet swab His holy deck, me Sailor an' me God.
(If ye be going piratical on ye landlubbin' blog, give me ye link and a cup o grog and I be linkin' to it here.)
- It Came From Allen's Brain: The Gospel of Melvin, Piratical Version
- Acts o' th' Apostasy's Cap'n Morgan an' Piratical Church Hymns (and I'd be commenting on thar fine work if Wordpress weren't a landlubbin' scallywag of a blogging plank, making me walk it ev'ry time)
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
It's not a face palm, it's a ...
Thursday, March 01, 2012
Bonanza Meets The Church Choir
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Thursday, October 27, 2011
We all need a break today....
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
Calgon, Take Me Away! If Calgon Commercialized Psalm 63
Such a missed opportunity. Especially for harried parents. And church workers.
1 You, God, are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
I thirst for you,
all my skin longs for you,
in a dry and parched life
where there is no bathwater.
2 I have hoped for you in the bathroom
and beheld your promise of quiet and cleanliness.
3 Because your soap is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.
4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lather my hands.
5 I will be fully satisfied as with the richest of bath salts;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.
6 In my bathtub I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.
7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shower of your wings.
8 I cling to the guardrail;
your bathmat anchors me.
9 Those who want to interrupt me will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.
10 They will be given over to the lye soap
and become dry like dermal sandpaper.
11 But my skin will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God will glory in bubbles,
while the mouths of lye-ers will be silenced.
(Sorry in advance.)
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
A Month Late But Worth It
Talk Like A Pirate Day, we miss ye.
Arr, ye Whoppin' Big Bleg fer Alex continues.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
But I wanted to be your faithful tweeton, Lord!
Monday, September 19, 2011
F'thr Pete the Pirate Receives His First Parish Assignment
A once a year series in honor of Talk Like A Pirate Day, mateys. Arrrg! Pass the grog!
Fr Pete (smiling): Yo ho ho, it be me fa'orite landlubbing Bishop! How be ye today?
Bishop: Right fine, Pete. 'Tis a beauty of a day in God's good creation. I jus' be wanting to check and see how you be gettin' along thar.
Fr Pete: Bishop, I be doin' grand. I be havin' started all these new evangelization projects, an' th' swabbies seem t' be really respondin' t' them.
Bishop: Ye don't say now? Tell me, bucko.
Fr Pete: Garrr. Well, I decided t' start simple, be seein', an' I told th' hospitality committee they be servin' burgoo instead o' donuts after Mass fer now on. T' be in sympathy wi' th' poor, I be seein'.
Fr Pete: Aye, they be shoveling it down their gullet right smart when I be looking at them--and this Lent, we be servin' hardtack. And then th' Holy Church, I noticed 't be needin' a spit-shine, 't be lookin' starboard dingy fer our Lord's house. So I gave th' clistin' committee lassies some holystones an' told them t' swab 'till they be seeing their reflection in th' pews. Aye, they be a bunch of sprogs, but I be done proud. They be working 12, 14 hours on th' Holy poopdeck thar.
Bishop: Arrr, F'thr Pete....
Fr Pete: Oh, and Bishop, I be saving the best for last. When I be askin' fer lectors an' musicians, th' entire parish signed up. Ever' last mate. They be fightin' t' be first in line, I tell ye!
Bishop (forcefully): F'thr Pete, belay already--sit ye down. I be afraid somet'ing is happenin' here.
Fr Pete: Success, yer Excellency?
Bishop: Ah, no, me son. I think yer parish be frightened of ye. They be having the Davies, like.
Fr Pete: Avast, Bishop! It canna be! I be as gentle as th' cook servin' extra slop t' th' sea sick ones below deck!
Bishop: Bucko, think ye back now. Say you anyt'ing to be threat'ning, at all? No jokes about walkin' th' plank?
Fr Pete: Shiver me timbers, Bishop. I be givin' me life to Christ, and dunna joke about such a thing. All I be doing is asking the mateys from my days of livin' on the account to help out.
Bishop: "Help out"?
Fr Pete: Aye, Jack an` Jamie an` Henry asked to be baptized aft`r me ordination, an' wantin` t' help. So I be havin' them be`in greeters t' th' congregation.
Bishop (sighing): F'thr, I be speakin' clearly now: I have gott'n complaints about some o' yer mateys growling that they be wanting to "keelhaul yer souls" when the parishioners be walking in. Anot'er told a lassie "Wench, get ye covered or I be wrappin' a sail about ye" and another that th' cat o' nine tails is a hangin' in wait fer the first heretic they be finding.
Fr Pete: Arr. The buckos ar' enthusiastic, like.
Bishop: Aye, but first thin' they be hearin` in yer foyer, laddie? Tis a hospital fer sinners an' a house o' mercy, Pete. Ye know that better than most. An' yer flock, they need be knowin' that. I know yer heart be good, Pete, but yer flock nay be as tough as yer mateys.
Fr Pete: I be talkin' to the buckos smartly, Bishop. I hear ye and be takin' care of it.
Bishop: An' I be stopping the burgoo, lad. It being the day of the resurrection an all. Resurrection and burgoo, nay, it dunna mix.
Fr Pete: Righto, me Cap'n Bishop. But may I ask ye one thing?
Bishop: O' course, me son.
Fr Pete: May I be applying me new pirate evangelization approach for the toughest biscuits? ...like... Adult Faith Formation?
Bishop (pauses to think, nods): Aye, F'thr Pete, wit' me every blessing. `Tis our cross t` bear, an' ye strike ou' t` sail against that storm immediately. God go wit' ye, me lad.
Fr Pete strides purposefully into the Church, chuckling yo ho ho ho ho....
(...an' this be call'd a cliffhang'r! See ye next year!)
UPDATE! Ahoy, I see up from t' mizzenmast--thar be Cap'n Morgan's words o' wisdom at LarryD's jollyboat!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Rejected Scriptural Tabloid Headlines, Continued
Monday, July 25, 2011
Rejected Scriptural Tabloid Headlines
Related story: God Made Cod (John 6:1-15)
From Archangel's Advocate, Swedish edition: God Made Dud From Mud